HALLOWEEN🎃

Hi lovelies, happy HALLOWEENNN first off !

It's my favorite day of the year.. the only day of the year that usually feels so good no matter what. I was looking forward to it like 3 months ago-ish. Now I'm alone asf.. I even brought smt to my dorm in case of a costume, just off rip. This is like the worst Halloween ever & i'm tired of trying to fake it til I make it atp, weirdest feeling ever. Felt so weird that I was like ok i'm not gonna bother my friends back home but it got so odd that I just felt like I had to call or something, which I regret. All of them were busy which is good. I feel somewhat jealous of them, mostly I'm so happy for everyone, they do definitely deserve it but I'm jealous. Anyway my favorite holiday guys.. spending it alone in the dark for the first time since 9th grade.

While i feel bothered by a friend I'm still tryna get to know, being cautious of, & already annoyed with due to crossing some boundaries, but I'm trying not to be so down 'at least you have a singular friend huh', but I don't even see this friendship fully lasting. So yea.. I am so fucking alone. It's pissy because I looked forward to it all year.. I love Thriller (mj), been listening to it all year & it feels sad that I don't get that same feeling of last year yk. I just feel so sad.. even tho I look forward to next year already, that's my logic. Anyway I've been putting up posters and chatting w/ my mom, which is nice, i'm just disappointed.